You don't understand Context? ... WTF?... F*ck You
Faceless child showing the camera her middle finger
“Well f*ck you, too. Right?” That was the first thing that I thought when I woke up to this message from my niece this morning. Sure I chuckled, kids flipping people off is always funny, but when you haven’t heard from someone in a minute and the first thing you see is the middle finger, it’s triggering.
In business, it’s similarly triggering when you have been working extremely hard on a project, or product, and the first thing you hear from someone is a negative shot across the bow, or a complaint. Get used to it, humans are more likely to complain about something than the compliment it, this is just a grim reality we have to work to change, but until that changes, those of us receiving that feedback need to learn to deflect the original shot, and counter attack to find the context and root cause.
Just like the photo above, most complaints or reviews are a specific spot in time, a snapshot, and then it is up to us to respond. To make sure we respond correctly though, we can’t just consider the snapshot, we also need to consider the Context and dig into the Root Cause in order to properly respond.
Context - the circumstances that directly precede and follow an event, statement, or idea, so that it can be fully understood and assessed.
Root Cause - The root cause is the core issue—the highest-level cause—that sets in motion the entire cause-and-effect reaction that ultimately leads to the current situation, problem, or complaint
Looking again at the picture above my initial reactions were correct, at least I thought so, but after digging for context and the root issue, I realized that none of my initial responses would have improved the situation. This happens all the time in business, think of the number of times someone “important”, even possibly a “stakeholder”, has given feedback like, “I don’t like X,” or “I Think it’s dumb Y comes before Z”. When a company is run by the HiPPO, “Highest Paid Person’s Opinion”, the initial reaction is to get rid of X or to move Y after Z, even though all the research proves that that isn’t how the alphabet works. In these situations, we react to the comment, trying to fix the symptom or the snapshot, forgetting to dig deeper, to consider the context and discover the root issue.
Back to the picture, waking up seeing my niece flipping me off my initial reaction was, “Well F*ck you too”. I thought maybe she was upset because Uncle John isn’t around, or because she was feeling sassy, or because he forgot a special day, or because [insert reason here]. Whatever caused this snapshot, my initial reaction was that I had to do 1 of 3 things to solve the problem.
Facetime the kid to prove I care
Send a gift, potentially of coal, because gifts are cool, but you don’t get a real gift for flipping me off
Use some points and book a trip to visit them. It’s been a while and maybe all of this can be smoothed out with quality time
So before rushing to a decision, I did what any sane adult would do, and I asked my brother for context.
Haha WTF was that for?
As I waited, I contemplated other reactions to that photo. Time out, a stern phone call, the silent treatment, these could all work, but then I also thought of the hilarity, a 4 year-old who now just flips people off. This could go viral, or maybe just turn her into a full-blown brat. My mind was racing, but I knew one thing, this picture proved it, my little niece was a bitch. I was going to make sure she got what she deserved and this problem got fixed.
Just showing me her owwie
Ohhhh an owwie, and all she needed was a magic kiss and maybe a bandaid.
Without context I would have missed it completely. I had assumed from the snapshot that she was being purposefully bad and needed some sort of reprimand, and If I had not gotten the context or to the root of the issue, an owwie, I would have gone completely in the wrong direction. This could have potentially ruined the future relationship that I am building with my niece, which is way more important than any work project I have ever worked on, all because I didn’t ask 1 important question for context.
WTF?
The simple question, “What the F*ck?”, got me all the context that I needed to understand the root cause of the issue, and respond accordingly. This is how we have to treat consumer feedback. When a customer reaches out or gives unsolicited feedback it is because they have hit a wall, they need help. They might not always explain the exact issue at first, you may even get a snapshot like the picture above, but it is up to the business to dig deeper, and ask “WTF?” to uncover the true root of the issue. Usually when you solve the root of 1 person’s problem, you will effectively make the entire situation better for everyone.
So instead of immediately reacting and dying due to death by 1000 small cuts, it is better to take feedback, analyze it, find the context and the root issues and attack the problem at the root. That is the difference between ruining your relationship and telling a kid “F*ck you, too” or just laughing, maybe getting her a bandaid and moving on with your day.